College Consulting and Life Coaching for High School Students: Ivy League Coaches' Blog

June 12, 2009

Being Stuck is a Myth

Filed under: Be More Productive — Tags: , , — JohnWilliams @ 11:37 am

I can’t remember who it was (perhaps he’ll come forth and claim this awesome insight) but he said to me years ago that I was under the illusion that there were three speeds: forwards, backwards, and neutral.  But in reality, there are only two: forwards and backwards.  I felt like I was at neutral.  But time is always moving forward, and if I’m not moving forward, then (and you guessed it) I’m really moving backwards.

If you’re not moving forward, then you’re moving backwards.

I coach mainly teenagers.  As every parent and high school teacher knows, the number, and creativity, of the excuses teenagers can make for not doing their homework on time, completing chores without being asked, or being proactive in accomplishing simple goals is a remarkable.

Here are a few simple technique that work.  The first comes directly from Neurolinguistic Programming, which I highly recommend as an additional training for Life Coaches.  The technique: to match and build rapport.

No need for heroic weight-lifting by the coach, parent, or teacher.  Simply hang out a bit in the “stuck” space with them, and let them feel that you’re there with them.

The second set of tools come from the Enneagram.  I do a lot of work with the Enneagram as well as Learning Styles to give the students more information on additional tools they can use so that everything becomes easier.  My favorite Enneagram book:  The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso and Russ Hudson.

A common theme: the Enneagram also builds a high level of rapport and make a client feel witnessed and seen.  And it’s such a valuable tool, I can’t imagine living without it.

I wish you all the best,
John

May 14, 2009

How to Impress Admission Officers, Simple Steps to Take this Summer

Filed under: Be More Productive, college admission — Tags: , , , , — JohnWilliams @ 9:26 pm

Admission officers are looking for evidence that students are resourceful, willing, even eager, to engage in learning outside the classroom.  The summer offers students a chance to spend more time developing their interests, and the Internet makes it easy to enrich your mind and follow some of the world’s brightest minds.  I recommend checking out these sites:

In your notebook that organizes your high school career and outside learning (and you have one right?!?) keep a list of:

  • ALL the books you’ve read inside and outside class
  • The sites that you regularly check out
  • Titles and presenters of lectures that inspire you
  • Publications that you regularly read
  • Titles, dates, and authors of articles that you like

These list will be useful when you start to brainstorm and write your college essays.  Many colleges even ask for reading lists and publications that you regularly read.  If you have these lists already in an organized place, you’ll not only save time but lots of energy in the intense process of filling out your application.

October 13, 2008

Anatomy of Stress

Filed under: Be Less Stressed, Life Style — Tags: , , , — JohnWilliams @ 6:35 pm

Stress in high schools is a huge problem. Doubtful? Ask any high school student. They’ll tell you stories about themselves and their friends and the multitude of challenges they face. In addition to the popular stressors – grades, friends, family, college application,athletic performance – people between the ages of 13 and 21 are in a crucial stage of human development. They’re asking themselves two important questions: “Who am I?” and “How do I fit in?”

The most insidious problem for stressed teens is that, whether they are conscious of it or not, they are making important decisions about their identity and potential role in society while stressed out. Stress causes people to make different decisions, and sometimes drastically different decisions, from those they would make if relaxed.

Being in a state of relaxed resourcefulness increases creativity, confidence and performance. That’s the state I want students to be in when they think of their future, and that’s the aim of this month’s newsletter: to provide a clear picture of what stress is and how to strike at its root cause. Let’s take a quick look at the anatomy of stress.

The Anatomy of Stress and the Root Cause

The word stress comes from the Latin stringere meaning to pull tight. Originally physicists used the word stress to denote the pressure that a chain undergoes when pulled in opposite directions. The word wasn’t widely used to refer to psychological pressure until the 1950’s. Currently, being “stressed out” can refer to anything from mild irritation to severe psychological distress.

There are three main stages of stress. Here they are, in chronological order:

  1. Alarm – the stressor is first identified (in this case it’s probably school, homework or social situations)
  2. Resistance – the body’s resources are tapped. The body tries to develop various coping mechanisms (like using a planner) and systems to handle the demands. Sometimes the stressor goes away. Sometimes the stressor increases, but over time, if the stressor persists and adequate coping mechanisms aren’t developed, the body moves to the 3rd stage
  3. Exhaustion – many of the body’s resources become depleted past the point of normal functioning. If stress persists, long-term damage can result.

I believe the root cause of stress is a combination of unrealistic expectations and underdeveloped systems.

September 10, 2008

3 Main Strategies of Happiness

Filed under: Creating Purpose — Tags: , , — JohnWilliams @ 12:11 pm

Let’s face it. We all want to be happy, and we’re happy when we get what we want. In fact, that’s where the word happiness comes from. It’s derived from the Scandinavian word hap, meaning fortune, chance, or luck. We’re happy when good stuff happens to us.

However, over 90% of students (and a lot of adults too) misunderstand what scientists and researchers have proven to lead to long-term happiness. That misunderstanding is a problem because students consistently rate the desire to be happy as their number one goal and their primary form of motivation. To fully understand the implications of the problem and the solution, let’s take a look at the three widely accepted strategies of happiness identified by scholars.

  1. Pleasure: Getting what you want, maximizing pleasure and avoiding pain
  2. Engagement: Being completely engaged in an activity that leads to a decreased sense of time and a bolstered sense of well-being (Also called Flow)
  3. Meaning: Taking action based on following a purpose and achieving a mission

Guess which one over 90% of students identified as their preferred strategy of happiness, yet has been proven to backfire over the long-haul.

You guessed it. Pleasure.

The 2.5 billion dollars spent annually to convince high school and college students that getting the “coolest stuff” will make them both “cool and happy” has worked. Most students believe that pleasure is the best path to happiness and will go to great lengths to achieve it. Over the long run, students who identify most with pleasure as happiness suffer from feeling less fulfilled and less motivated. It’s as if they continually need bigger and better things and experiences to consistently feel happy.

Rosaria Gabriele of Bucknell University recently published a study that focused on the relationship between which form of happiness students most identified with and their academic performance, involvement in extra-curricular activities and community, and clarity of career plans.

The results are dramatic.

Pleasure, while the most popularly endorsed form of happiness, did not have any positive correlation to the educational variables. Those students who identified engagement as a strategy of happiness were twice as likely to participate in extra-curricular activities and get involved in their community. The most striking finding, however, is those students who identified meaning as a strategy of happiness were three times as likely to perform well academically as well as have clarity about their career plans.

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